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Chicagoland MG Club
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Intro & Club Officers
The Steering Column
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March Meeting Minutes
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The Rally Corner
Spring Rally 5/7
Family Go-Kart Night 5/9
Autocross 5/21
Rally 2000 6/11
Tales of the Mongrel
Just A Simple Wrench
Camping at Road America
TEX's Sessions for 2000
Dogleg Repair Session
Classifieds
CMGC Events 2000
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TALES OF THE MONGREL
"Tall Tales" by Ralph Arata
It was a balmy and very gentle evening. A mist had come up from the Thames to settle over the hamlet of Blackmore. Although, just a few short miles from the center of London’s financial district this tiny village eloquently bespoke of English gentility with its abundance of Tudor and thatch and a quaint and generously flowered green at village center.
The P-7s silently, peacefully and almost “whisfully” left their imprints against the drops of dew on the road. Sleek, dark silhouettes against an endless universe of shining, crystalline “stars” of moisture. However, this was NOT to be a night of peace nor would it lend itself to soft contemplation of the universe. THIS would be a night for BATTLE! The night of the NEUTRALIZER!
The 1970 MGB, in “stealth” mode, prowled. Its race prepared V-8 Buick engine placed American muscle sheathed beneath British iron. The Mongrel, as it was known, was the special collaboration of Tom (the Doctor) Josefek and Jim (the Bear) Evans. These world renown automotive engineers had built the Mongrel, piece by piece, at the Farm - a super secret Justice Department compound hidden deep inside the Allegheny Mountains.
The Neutralizer had stalked Assid Mossock from Congelton, almost 200 miles south to Mossoack’s safe house in Blackmore. Assid Mossock has been a statesman, a diplomat and most recently, han international terrorist and mercenary who had rocketed himself to the British M-1’s ten most wanted list with fire bombings in London, Birmingham and Manchester. Although, disenfranchised by the Iranian government which was participating in “delicate” discussions with the US and Britain, Mossock had caused shock, embarrassment and second thoughts by hard liners on both sides of the peace table.
The requests for help by the British secret service became that of the British Prime Minister. Tony Blair found the ear of US President who, in turn, called on Don Anderson, head of the US Justice Department. The “Big Fed” called on the Farm (his brain child) and Ralph Arata a.k.a. the Neutralizer got the nod.
The Neutralizer had parked the Mongrel a block from the safe house. He boldly approached the terrorist’s liar. The time for soft probes was done. This was a night for justice…..the justice of the Neutralizer! There had been a previous encounter in Congelton where the Neutralizer had eliminated several of Mossocks’s lieutenants. Mossock has escaped. This time would be different. Under the Neutralizer’s skin tight black suit he wore CV6 body armor. On the outside of the black suit hung frag and incendiary grenades on military webbing. A Beretta 93R with 9mm hollowpoints sat in a “quick draw” holster in shoulder leather. An Israeli Dessert Eagle 44 magnum with full metal jacket 380 grain “manglers” was primed in a waist holster. The Neutralizer cradled a Heckler & Koch MP-5 sub gun equipped with NATO 11mm ammo. The battle would be at close quarters, face to face, eye to eye!
In the driveway sat Mossock’s classic 1970 Jaguar E-Type V-12 Coupe along with 2 other cars. 7 hardmen in all. As the Neutralizer approached he pulled the pin of a frag grenade and lobbed the deadly orb through the nearest window. He counted the seconds as the grenade detonated and then kicked in the door. Donning night vision goggles he surveyed the now darken & wrecked battle zone. The MP-5 tracked left to right seeking targets.
2 of the hardmen were already out of play. 2 others, bleeding from concussion charged blindly. The MP-5 responded to the one with the AK-47 taking him out. The other, over 7 feet tall, came on with a machete. It took the entire 30 round clip to bring the Goliath down.
The Jaguar’s engine came to life in the driveway and the Neutralizer raced for the door. “No, not this time”, he thought. He thumbed the Mongrel’s remote start switch. The big Buick engine roared as the Neutralizer grabbed for the 10” Porche-styled steering wheel.
The P-7s spun for a second but Italian rubber grabbed British asphalt as the physics took over….the race was on!
The Grand Prix suspension of the “B” was the special work of the “Bear” and allowed it to quickly gain on the 2 retreating vehicles. As the Neutralizer approached the first vehicle, he recognized it as one of the cars from the safe house. An “F”! An MGF! The deep throated exhaust told the Neutralizer that something bigger than the standard 4 banger lurked in the “F’s” engine compartment.
The Neutralizer pulled the Beretta 93R from shoulder leather set for 3 round burst. The “F” still had its rag top up. “First mistake”, said the Neutralizer! The passenger was struggling to bring a Mossberg semi-auto shot gun into target acquisition within the “F’s” cramped confines. The Mongrel was already side by side and a 3 round burst from the 93R took out both the “F’s” driver and passenger. The “F” spun and exploded into an angry fireball. The Neutralizer pulled the “B” to the side of the road to check the hellzone. “Nice car”, he thought.
Tires screamed as the Mongrel now raced down the A20 to catch the Jaguar. The Neutralizer could see the
E-Type’s taillights flicker as Mossock applied brakes to enter the M-1 motorway. The high speeds of British motorways were “child’s play” for the Mongrel’s big Buick engine. The “Doctor’s” best worked was contained in the Mongrel’s powerplant. The MGB gained on the Jag!
The national speed limit in the UK is 75mph. The average British motorist prefers 85mph. The Mongrel was clocking 130 and Mossock’s Jaguar had no more speed to give.
The Neutralizer’s approached the Jaguar from the driver’s side looking for the head shot. Instead, the barrel on an Uzzie greeted him. He cranked the Mongrel’s wheel hard left as the 11mm death tracked toward him. The “B’s” passenger door “armor” took the hits! Again, the Mongrel came on and this time the Dessert Eagle found the Neutralizer’s gun hand.
The MG’s windscreen streaked in spider webs as the Uzzie found another target. Arata pushed the shattered windscreen away with a groved hand and with the cold English night air stinging against his face the Neutralizer aimed at the rear tire of the Jaguar. The Neutralizer’s hand cannon blasted and the Jag’s tire turned to sheds.
Mossock’s legs strained against the brake pedal. He fought the steering wheel to bring the now unruly sports car under control ……………too little and too late!
The car careened into a concrete barrier. Mossock was thrown clear!
The Neutralizer pulled the MGB over to the roadside and exited. With the Beretta in hand & combat senses on “full alert” he approached Mossack’s crumpled figure. Mossock struggled to pull a silver 22 calibur pistol from an ankle holster.
Mossock’s eyes were black with hate as he pointed the gun. A popping noise was the last sound of Assid’s mortal life. The Neutralizer doubted that Assid would find “paradise” on the other side.
From the “B”, the Neutralizer pulled a small satellite disk and scrambling equipment. He set the com link and put a call in for the “Big Fed”. Anderson answered on the first ring. “Mission accomplished”, Arata said! “….send the plumbers”. Anderson replied, “Get to Gatwick airport, hander 11”. “There’s a C-1 transport waiting to get you and the car home”. “Something has come up”!
The Neutralizer sighed. He stared across at the exit sign reading, the Chunnel! “It would have been great to get over to France for a bottle of wine”, he thought! “Yes, a nice Pouilly Fuisse”. “A Pouilly Fuisse would go well with a salmon …… …… …… …… …”,
A SALMON!!!! Arata jumped up & ran, his battle senses back on full alert….AND immediately tripped over a piece of porch furniture! “SALMON”! “YOU didn’t burn the salmon again, did you”, said my wife, Susan from the kitchen.
I looked at the withered fish on the grill and knew I HAD DONE IT AGAIN! “Oh, its OK honey”, I said. “The kids said they that they want hot dogs anyway”!
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